A Snowflake Falls

A snowflake falls

Steam dances on outstretched tongue

Eyes alight, they blaze with love

Starshine smiles from up above

 

Tongue and snowflake become as one

A swallow seals the deal as done

Rosy cheeks break out in grin

A glimpse of youth again begins

 

 

Close your eyes and dream with me

Of a place where song will set you free

close your eyes and sing with me

of a place where dreams can make believe

a snowflake falls

 

 

 

No school bell rings, no class today

The winter savior saved the day

The heavens smile as children play

Angels in the snow along the way

 

No need to shovel till your ears, they ring

Just so the plow can pack you in till spring

Or draw your hood against the biting breeze

Or kick yourself cause there’s no antifreeze

 

Close your eyes let your mind unwind

Take you to a better time

Where children’s laughs are worry free

That’s the place I long to be

A snowflake falls

 

Love That Leap Pad!

The hardest to find child’s toy of the 2011 holiday season is undoubtedly the best educational toy on the market today. And our 4yr old son Ian just loves it.

Leap Pad Explorer Green

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Leap Pad Explorer Pink

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App Center Download Card

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Green Carrying Case

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Pink Carrying Case

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Celebrity Fragrances – something stinks!

My wife got herself into one of those Facebook ping pong matches where the posts go back and forth with several people weighing in. A question was posed: “If a celebrity had a fragrance that you really liked but hated the celebrity, would you still wear it?”   A fair enough question. I would answer that question with a question… If you hated the celebrity enough to warrant not wearing their fragrance, why would you try it in the first place? But I digress from the fun part of the conversation.

My wife, in her inimitable spirit and sense of humor went on to name a few celebrity fragrances of her own…

Entitlement – by Paris Hilton

Rage – by Mel Gibson

Sarah Palin’s Self Righteous

With the economy in shambles and Americans spending less of their hard-earned dollar on entertainment, these hard-hit celebrities are searching for new avenues of income to help keep their multiple homes, fleets of cars, and illegal alien domestic servants viable. I want to try to help the cause. These are my suggestions for celebrity fragrances because after all, If you gotta stink, stink in style.

Tom Cruise’s Testoster One

Megalomaniac – by Charlie Sheen

Jennifer Aniston’s Pitt Stop

Dweeber – by Justin Beiber

Enough – of the Kardashian Sisters

Swine by Snookie

Liar by Casey Anthony

Katy Perry’s Jilted

Lindsay Lohan’s Rehab

Apparently Lindsay Lohan’s fragrance also comes in a powder form.

Ah… the sweet smell of ca-ching!

 

 

 

Ambiguous Storm

(written in 2001 as a writing exercise)

It was Thursday. As good a day as any. The sun shined brightly confirming the tranquility of the day. A gentle breeze danced across the tiny town of Ambiguous.

Jasper stood at the foot of Main Street surveying his kingdom. It was a good town. A sturdy town. Solid citizens.

Jasper let out a yawn and stretched to the cloudless sky. The sun glinted off the very official-looking badge adorning his breast pocket. Ever since childhood; hooked on Saturday spaghetti westerns, Jasper had wanted this to be his life’s work. His town.

Dreams come true and here he was. It felt good. Damn good. This was his town. Nothing happened here that he didn’t know about. Nothing happened here without his say so.

Jasper started out on his rounds. He walked straight down the center of Main Street following the path his boots have beaten from days, weeks, months, years of repetition. Every day, always the same. Just the way Jasper liked it.

Fourteen steps in and a turn to the right. The Jenkins’ in their quaint pale-blue cottage smiled blankly out at him in a perpetual wave.

Twenty-two steps more and a quick nod to the left towards Jonesy’s Barber Shoppe. The shop was filled to gusset-busting with all the usual faces. Jasper never quite got the whole “let’s hang out at the barber shop” thing. He guessed they just didn’t have anything better to do.

“Storm’s coming,” shouted Jasper over the din of silence. Jonesy’s wink said all it needed to.

Seven more steps and a quick step to the left around lil’ Jenny Jamison. Such a cutie.

“Looking as lovely as ever, Miss jenny,” said Jasper with a tip of the cap. Just because you’re King, doesn’t mean you can’t be polite. “Storm’s coming,” Jasper continued. “Good to see you brought the ‘brella out.”

Jasper continued his rounds. Ten steps; turn right. A peek into Jolly Joes. Twelve steps; turn left, a wink and a wave at old Mrs. Jax and her cat.

Quiet, peaceful. Sameness. Just the way Jasper liked it.

The Jumper family was just ahead. They were crossing Main Street on their daily sojourn to the malt shoppe.

“Storm’s coming,” said Jasper.

Jasper made his way to the end of Main Street. A creaky open shed leaned so far to the left it defied gravity. The wind had picked up and the shed groaned and wobbled precariously.

Jasper stepped inside the shed. A gust of wind blew harder. Perfect. What kind of storm would it be without a little wind to kick things up a bit.

Jasper took a deep breath. He loved this part. He loved this job. This life. King of his domain. How completely perfect.

He started to prime the pump. Pipes groaned with the building pressure, shattering the desolate quiet of Ambiguous.

Another gust of wind. A slap of earth.

Jasper twitched. He turned around slowly, the smile vanishing from his face in an instant. It was those damn Jumper twins. Always trouble, them twins. Something just not right about them. Something a little off-kilter. Out of balance. Jasper sneered. He’d have to fix that.

He walked purposefully over to the prone Jumper twins. Jasper bent at the knee and picked up the smiling cardboard cutouts. He placed them back in their stand.

“Storm’s coming, boys. Hunker down now.”

Jasper dusted off his hands and walked back to the shed. The pump primed, Jasper turned on the sprinkler.

The rain washed the dust from his cracked face as he looked heavenward.

“Yep,” said Jasper. “Good day for a storm, indeed.”

“The Orgasm”

(written in 2001 as a writing exercise)

It all started so simple, so innocent, so pure. The tiniest spark, the smallest friction, the faintest glow. Deep in the darkness with just a hint of moisture to nourish, to grow.

Grow, growing, expanding, stretching its very own limits. Building, thriving, reveling in its deep darkness, its cradle of warmth, its wetness.

Growing. Becoming. Feeding off the energy of the wet darkness. Writhing, pulsing.

Awakening.

Opening up to the ecstatic possibilities. Growing and sustaining. Erecting.

Reaching out. Breaking through the barriers of its tiny deep universe. Strengthening, lengthening. Growing ever thicker, fuller, robust. Yearning.

Thickening. Pushing up further, higher. Quicker, excitement building, expanding, rushing forth, heat, penetrating heat, radiating to its aching crescendo. Feeding, nourishing.

The heat of awakening. The pain. The ecstasy of becoming.

Bursting forth. Ripening. Reaching higher, ever higher, aching to explode, searching for that tickle just below the surface.

Poking through, breaking free. Unleashed.

Dawning, flowing, cascading, swallowed in voluptuous warmth and wetness; shaking, trembling.

Stretching, arcing, opening. Feeling birth’s blessed warmth, the petals engorged, filled, fresh sweet nectar, bursting open, inviting the power to wash over it.

The carnal engagement, the beginning, the blossoming.

The orgasm of awakening.

The flower winks its eye and smiles up to the new falling rain.

Jingle Bells

Jingle Bells 2011

by Mike Egenolf

Jingle Bells, Christmas sales,

to the mall again today

Tried to grab that last leap pad

someone got in my way!

Jingle Bells what the hell

this doesn’t come in blue?

I thought I found the perfect fit

but where’s the other shoe?

A day or two ago

Saint Nick said “heck with all this fuss,

instead of making all the toys

I’ll go to Toys R Us

Jingle Bells whats that smell

Oh dear lord it’s me

I showered when I woke up

but now its after three!

Jingle Bells, barren shelves

this place has been picked clean

All this shopping madness

makes me act like Charlie Sheen

A Day or two ago

Santa cried “Dear Me”

instead of walking talking dolls

the kids want PS3!

“The Adventures of Tim Can” by Alyssa Egenolf

The Adventures Of Tim Can
                  by
Alyssa Morgan Egenolf (8 years old)

One day a little can of soup named Tim Can was sitting on the shelf. Then Tim Can became lonely when one day…

All the soup cans were bought besides Tim Can.

The next day Tim Can hopped into a ladies’ basket that was getting oranges in the next aisle.
Finally the lady was home and Tim was excited for his adventures to start.

The lady noticed Tim. Tim Can said, “Hi I’m Tim, what is your name?” The lady froze and eventually said, “I’m Kelly.”

Then Kelly found a strange connection with Tim. She started to bring him every where she went.

A few days later, a tsunami hit. It hit her house and her entire neighborhood. She became very poor because she lost everything. She lost all of her money and didn’t have anything to eat.

Tim decided to let Kelly eat him.

Tim became an empty can and was recycled. Tim Can thought that that was the best adventure that he could ever have. Kelly was sad but knew her and Tim Can did the best thing they could have done.

Then Tim Can became Empty Can.

Moral: If you love something but give it up for something you can not live without, be proud, not upset because you did the right thing.

Love, Alyssa

Leo the Elf

Leo the Elf – by Michael Egenolf Dec 2011
(A story for Alyssa Morgan Egenolf, a budding author and my eight year old niece)

Leo the Elf was afraid of cats. Being an elf was an important job and it was silly being afraid of little old cats, but he was.

Spooky black cats, furry white cats, orange tabbys… Slinky’s with fur, he called them. Only these Slinky’s had razor sharp claws and eyes that glowed.

It was Christmas Eve. The night sky was filled with sweet dreams of happy little children. Santa’s sleigh, pulled by his wonderful reindeer, landed softly on the roof. Leo checked Santa’s list. Yes, this little boy had been a particularly good boy this year. Santa grabbed his bundle and set off down the chimney with a grunt. Leo heard some shuffling and another grunt. Leo peered over the top of the chimney. His eyes widened as big as saucers. Santa was stuck!

Leo sprung into action. He slid down the side of the roof, shinnied down the rain spout and ran around to the front door. It was locked of course. A pinch of Santa’s magic dust, and the door swung open. Leo dashed inside and over to the fireplace. He was going to have to pull Santa down from below.

Leo froze in his tracks. There by the warmth of the fire, a bright orange tabby cat was fast asleep. Leo was afraid of cats.

Santa wriggled and grunted again. He was firmly stuck. Leo didn’t know what to do but had to do something.

Cookies! There on a table by the fire was a tray of cookies set out for Santa. Leo would try to get the cat to fetch a cookie and move away from the fire. Leo carefully made his way over to the cookies. He picked one up, waved it around so the cat could get the scent, and tossed it to the other side of the room. The cat didn’t move.

Now what? Milk! Leo slapped his head. Of course! Cats love milk. Leo picked up the saucer and slid it along the floor closer to the cat. The cat didn’t move. It picked its head up, looked at Leo and set its head back down to sleep. Darn.

Santa was stuck, there was a cat in front of the fire and if Leo didn’t help get Santa down the chimney soon, all of Christmas could be ruined.

Leo sat down on the floor with a thud. He had to think. What to do, what to do. Just then a gleam of light caught Leo’s eye. He looked up to see the cat sitting up staring at him. Staring right at him! But it wasn’t the eyes that made Leo stare. It was the cat’s nametag that hung around its neck. Fireball.

Fireball? Suddenly Leo knew what he had to do. He’d been so worried about the cat that he hadn’t even thought about the fire roaring in the fireplace while Santa was stuck in the chimney directly above it.. Leo grabbed the saucer of milk and flung it into the fire. There was a loud hiss and a lot of smoke. Leo closed his eyes tightly. Any second now he expected to feel the cats claws sink into his leg. Any second now.

The smoke cleared and Leo opened his eyes. The cat was gone.

Leo pulled Santa to safety. Just in time too. Santa’s behind was getting a little toasty. Leo laughed. Then froze. He slowly looked down at his feet. Fireball was rubbing up and down Leo’s leg. Leo picked up Fireball and hugged him for helping to save Santa. Leo wasn’t afraid of cats anymore.

Hello world!

Sometimes you shout out to the universe to get what you want. Sometimes, however, the universe shouts back.

A few months back my wife and I were having a conversation about writing when she said, “why don’t you start a blog?”  Huh.  Simple. Could be fun. Could be enlightening. Could be catharctic. Could be hell. Well, I guess I’m going to find out.

So about this “universe shouting back” stufff… here’s what happened.  I’m all about shouting at the universe and letting it know what I want. Faith takes many forms, whatever works for you, right? So I told the universe what I wanted to do. And then I set about doing it. The universe, uncomfortable with this drastic new direction, immediately set about roadblocks.

I knew nothing about starting a blog. I knew what a blog was, so I guess I was a little ahead of most people who started one. And I am never short of ideas. I quickly came up with the plethora of blog subjects that you see in the menu above, but had no idea how to actually start one.

I read an excellent article on starting a blog that was loaded with tips and suggestions. I registered domain names at Namecheap and purchased webhosting from hostgator.  For anyone out there looking to start blogging, these two options are highly recommended. Search the internet for current coupons to save even more $$$.

So I had my domains and had my server space. I tried to find my website and nothing came up. Over the next hour or so I tried several approaches, all with no luck.      Apparently, since I purchased domains at one place and webhosting at another, it would take 48-72 hours to port my domains over to the hosting site. Sigh. This would not be my last “patience” lesson the universe wanted to teach me. It was just getting started.

So I was back at it a few days later. I was sitting in my comfy chair, laptop in lap, focused and ready to get down to some serious blogging. LaColombe decaf piping hot at the ready, inspiration come my way. Only the inspiration came in the form of my very solid       almost-four-year-old son Ian. He plowed into the chair to hug daddy and the force of the blow could have shattered windows. Instead of windows, it shattered the tranquility of the night as eight ounces of piping hot coffee hit my chest and settled in a pool on my laptop keyboard. Game over.

The sting of a dead computer hurt worse than the sting of hot coffee. I was upset but thankful that somehow not a drop of hot coffee seemed to have touched my son. So while my wife was putting Ian to bed I was scrambling for hope by sticking my laptop in a tray covered with rice. Oh well, desperate times call for desperate… whatever the heck is available.     Fortunately, the computer didn’t fry. The monitor still worked, there was still power. The keyboard however, was toast. So here I am, almost two weeks later, new keyboard installed, blogging my little heart out. I’ve had software roadblocks the last few days but each day is a learning experience and each day I get a little bit better at this. I can’t wait to see what the universe has in store for me next.

So the format for this blog will be a little bit of a mixed bag of me, until it all gets sorted and takes on a shape of its own. I am passionate about writing, music, hockey, and my family (not in that order) and will be doing a little bit of writing about all of it. I’ve had a pretty interesting life so far; been in two movies, been on tv, had a record deal in the early 90’s, have met literally dozens of celebrities, have published some fiction and have written two screenplays (neither sold but came close).  I will publish stories and articles I have written, talk about life experiences and the joy of a wonderful family and being a Dad. I will probably also gripe about stuff that bugs me (bugblogz.com) from time to time. I invite comments and will even have a guest blogger now and again.

So thanks for visiting. Hope you enjoy. I hope to see you again soon.

 Mike